I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
