Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
