you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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