Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
