No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
