wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
