Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
