I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
