i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
