I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
