Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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