I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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