you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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