Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
