His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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