I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
