she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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