the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
