My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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