I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
