You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
