did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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