God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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