just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
