Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
