I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
