it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
