you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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