Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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