Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
