I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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