dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
