i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
