She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
