I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
