i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
