whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
