There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
