The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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