Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
