I am puke
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
