he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
