At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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