the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
