Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
