Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
