just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I party with great urgency now.
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