my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
