Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
