Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
