Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
