Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
