If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize