Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
