Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
