Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
