this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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