whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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