And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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