I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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