Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
