he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i believe in u and ur pee
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
