Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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