It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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