So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
