i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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