I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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