OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
